Even Endings Are Part Of The Journey - Or The Earth Would Be Over Crowded.

I'm in Kauai, and it's the most beautiful place I've ever been, hands down.  In eight days, we have almost seen the whole island - by car, kayak, atv, horse, by hiking, by helicopter.  I've seen and done things that most people only dream of.  I'm writing - in Kauai.  It's really, really beautiful.

And two days ago, while I'm taking in the journey of this wonderous place, my grandfather passed away.  I woke up to a beautiful sunrise...and he didn't wake up at all.  I got the message right after I opened the window to this...

I stood at the window a while, trying to understand what I felt.  Relief.  Relief for him.  You see, 94 years is a long, long time to live.  94 years is filled with journey; adventure, love, joy, heartbreak, sadness, wonder...experience.  The last time I sat with my grandad, just he and I, he was telling me stories about the war, and of when his own children were young.  There was this sadness in him, this longing to be with his love.  "I've been alive a long time.  I've seen a lot of things.  I'm done with my living now. Now I just exist."  And I understood 100%.

I knew this day wasn't far away.  We all knew.  He's been talking to my grandmother for months in the house, looking for her around corners.  So I stand here, not sad - and not feeling guilty about not feeling sad.  I am filled with joy for his life journey, and relief for his exhausted shoulders that carried us all at one point or another.  I am in awe of his experience, and grateful for every part of myself that is because of him.  There have been no tears yet.  All I can hear in my head is his voice, "now, why would you cry? My life has been long, and worth every second. Stop it, right now."   (okay, as I typed it, I shed just a few - but only because that voice though...)

I'm relieved for you, Gramps.  You did good here, and we are all better people because of you.  The gates were wide open when you got there, and I am envious of the entourage that I know were there to greet you.  

I have three days left on this beautiful island, and I do everything with a little more celebration for you.  I know, without one ounce of doubt, you would want me to - because life moves forward for those who are living.  We have no other choice.  And don't you worry one second, Gramps, I've got exactly the right shoes for this journey.

Ever thine, Ever mine, Ever Ours. Always. 

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Etching Out Kindness

I have written a lot about the importance of kindness and the value I feel it has not only in our lives, but the effect it has on other people and the Earth.  And, while I was away in the glorious sunshine, and floating in the pool, I was deemed a little crazy when I'd rescue the bees that landed in the pool.  I'd scoop them up in my hand, and place them on the rocks to dry and they'd fly away and carry on.  Why?  Because I can, and what you put out in the Universe comes back three fold.  And as I dried off, I got to having the conversation about why I feel the way I do about kindness towards even the little creatures like the bees.  Turns out, it's this book. 

When I was a little, my mom had this book on the book shelf.  It's one of the only Disney books I remember.  I was more of a Dr. Seuss/Bernstein Bears kind of girl.  (If you can find this book for your littles, please do. I emplore you to feed their kindness, and read this book every single day.)

This is a book where Goofy learns the purpose and rewards of being kind.  The thing is, he didn't have to try to be kind.  He just was. He is kind to all the creatures he encounters, and the Universe, is, in turn, kind to him.  I can tell you, without hesitation, that this book came into my thoughts every single time I avoided killing a spider (yes, this is why I take them outside.  Bees too.) for my whole existence.  

I actually found it astounding that a book I read as a child had such an impact on who I became; which prompted another chat about exactly that - the things that you can pin point as having shaped part of who you became as an adult - like this book, and for me, The Velveteen Rabbit.  So when you think something as simple as book or a movie won't impact your kids - you may be wrong. Choose the words they hear wisely - they may be etched in who they become.  

For kindness and all of the things that brought to being the human I am - grateful. 

Warrior - Like A Boss

I want to share this picture with you.  I want to share it because, as it turns out, it's one of my life's most powerful moments.

I spent the weekend at an EnjoyMEnt retreat with roughly 55 other like-minded, magnificent women.  (side note: there was not one single moment of judgement here- EVER- and I wish all women could know this kind of solidarity)  There was a theme night: Warrior Women, and it gave me anxiety from the second the email in came in before the retreat.  First of all, I was no warrior.  Second of all, I don't "dress up".  But the thing is, I wanted to be all in this weekend.  Both feet in the fire, all me, all day long.  No hiding.  So...for hours (literally), I sat and made this head peice. I painted, I glued.  I innovated.  Painted panther faced, pink feathered mowhawked, warrior feathered fear... And and handful of bravery to put it on - like a God dammned Boss.

With my yoga pants, and my silver feather necklaces, I wore it.  No.  I embodied it.  I painted my face, and opened up my soul.  And I laughed.  And I sang.  And I danced.  And I remembered.  I remembered every single time I was afraid to let myself just be.  I remembered hiding myself away, and turning myself inside out for people around me.  I remember shifting away from this glorious human who laughed and sang and danced... and lived with reckless abandon.  I remembered being brave.  I remembered the years of battle just to allow myself to be this human I loved.   I remembered this girl.  This woman.  This warrior. 

This is who I am, and this is one of the most powerful moments of my movement forward.  I am so proud of this warrior.  I may love a lot of things, and a lot of people, but my gratitude is in loving myself the most.